Most of us have heard the term like “getting edgy”. Or, we know the importance and the power of being able to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
But in my experience, I didn’t really know what that meant or how to do that in a healthy way.
Like what’s the difference between being comfortable with discomfort, and having a completely dysregulated nervous system? Because I’ve done both.
In this video I want to tell you in 10 minutes or less about those two things and how to start “getting edgy” without dysregulating a nervous system. And how important that is for an enjoyable life and business.
So if that sounds interesting to you, then just keep watching.
Why It’s Important: Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
Most of you already know this, but let’s touch on why it’s important to be comfortable being uncomfortable. There’s lots of reasons. I could probably write a whole blog post on this. But a couple things that come to mind are:
- Flexible nervous system. Getting more comfortable with things that are uncomfortable will help you have a more flexible nervous system over time.
- Expanding your window of tolerance. When I talk about being edgy, I’m referring to our current window of tolerance and it’s limits. When we talk about getting edgy, we’re talking about bumping up against that window of tolerance. (But we don’t wanna go past that because then we can have a dysregulated nervous system. Or even like what might feel like a trauma response.)
- Comfort with change. Sometimes our brains and bodies can feel resistant to change, because change doesn’t always feel safe,. (Even when it’s good.) Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable helps you embody abundance that is new to you more easily.
Let me actually give you an example. Part of why I’m talking about this is because it’s coming up for a lot of clients and for myself.
So it, it happened to me in a specific situation and then came for clients. Part of why this is active for me today is that in the online education space, specifically in coaching, there has been a lot of toxic sales culture over the last…forever. In fact, I’m sure I embodied this toxic sales culture to a degree in 2019 and parts of 2020, that I’m aware of. And possibly other times that I’m not aware of. It was noticeable to me in 2020 as a client, because that’s when I went full-time in my business.
Getting edgy VS toxic sales?
There’s this weird thing that is taught in a lot of coaching circles and investing circles. And that’s that in order to make more, you have to invest increasingly bigger amounts to make more money. Or that you need to invest specifically at a level that’s uncomfortable for you, because that causes you to level up faster.
And this is true. Big investments can freak you out and spur you to fast action. But investing this was all the time isn’t realistic. And investing this way when you don’t have practical financial safety is downright dangerous.
All that to say: some coaches and educators have almost used this “principle” to gaslight people into becoming financially unsafe. I don’t think I’ve ever pressured someone to buy from me where they were unsafe, but I did believe in the mentality that big investments led to big growth.
So what is a good kind of “edgy”?
So how do you know when you’re investing and it’s edgy versus investing in it’s outside of your comfort zone?
I’m not gonna fully answer that question today, but I wanna talk about what does it look like to be edgy in a safe way so you can start having a more flexible nervous system and at least seeing what this feels like.
Learning to mindfully sit with discomfort
So I have a new somatic coach. I have a whole blog post on what is somatic coaching. I’m also a somatic coach and a business coach.
With a lot of my somatic coaches, we first start the call by setting an intention. Then we “go into the pocket” and explore that intention in the body. Then we eventually end up having action items, lessons, and a chatty part of the call near the end. Whereas this somatic coach, she really wanted me to just stay in my body on our first call, which was really uncomfortable.
One of the things that came up on that call:
I was feeling a certain emotion and I noticed that there was pain coming up in my legs, which is not uncommon for me. I have restless leg syndrome, so my legs hurt a lot. When they hurt I just take ibuprofen or I might do some stretching or exercise. But I’ve had it for so long, I’m just used to taking a pill as the easiest way to get the pain to go away.
Sitting With Discomfort of Pain
So in this somatic session, the coach asked me to just sit with the pain. Sit, and sit, and sit. Describe it, feel it, be with it, explore it. And then we resourced (supported it / helped it) by finding a stronger sensation that was positive. We were able to balance and neutralize that pain.
It was the first time I ever sat with the pain. I’ve never just sat with the pain before.
I always feel the pain buzzing in the back of my brain. Like an annoying scratching sound on the back of my brain. I’ve never held space for the pain. I’ve been practicing this more since this session. I’m on my third day in a row without taking any ibuprofen, which is I’ve never done before.
I don’t know exactly why that’s working. I just know the pain is lessening. And I notice it often goes away on its own when I hold space for it and resource it.
Lack of Resilience Can Prevent Lack of abundance
Part of what I am healing from is when I have financial overflow, because it’s uncomfortable for me. I sometimes will find a place to put that money so I don’t have it. So I might make an extra payment towards debt or pay towards taxes. Which are definitely things you should do or invest in, but not at the expense of having a healthier business overall.
So rather than pay myself or sit with overflow, I often find somewhere for the money to be. It doesn’t feel safe in my body yet. So my challenge when I have financial overflow is t sit with it, look at it, appreciate it, and take time with it. (Before or instead of putting it somewhere I can’t access.)
Getting Comfortable With Abundance
If you don’t hold space for the discomfort, you’re just always gonna feel uncomfortable with overflow. So if you sit with the discomfort and just get curious on:
- What does this feel like?
- Is there an emotion that comes up?
- When I feel the emotion, is there a physical sensation that comes up?
- And then asking myself, what do I need?
- What does this need?
- Then the feeling of discomfort over time will start to lessen.
Then we’ll start feeling safe with bigger and bigger amounts of money.
But if we’re just constantly gaslighting ourselves with affirmations that don’t feel true, then you’ll never get more comfortable with money.
The Discomfort Doesn’t Last
This all doesn’t mean you have to sit with the discomfort forever.
My willingness to sit with my leg pain doesn’t mean that I’ll never take ibuprofen. It’s just me getting curious around like, can I just let this be, can I hold space for this?
And then what I found is that when I hold space for it, I’m finding that I don’t need ibuprofen as often as I’ve gotten used to taking it.
So it’s just about getting curious. Or when I have financial overflow, it doesn’t mean I can’t spend any of that money ever. It just means like, let’s sit with it and let it be here and see what arises. See if we can get more comfortable having more money.
I hope this is helpful for you guys. I do have coaching spots available. We can have a chat and see if it’s a fit for you. AlisonReeves.co/strategy-call