Jason Komosa is an expert in money mindset transformation, at helping you to destroy stress, detach from work and deepen your relationship with money. Today we’re going to be hyper-focusing on how to start deprogramming the stories that we learned when we were children, specifically around money, and then how to upgrade your mental software.
Introduction: Jason Komosa
I’m going to give you a super epic quick background story.
I’m a father of two, a husband and I helped launch a couple of startups in my lifetime. Found myself very burnt out, very stressed out through work and worrying about money. And it was through that pain and discomfort that I evolved to where I am now, which is helping destroy that stress, all the mental stuff that people don’t want to have, really distressing and allowing us to live life, right? We’re here to live, not to work.
And so my epic background is again, former burnout. I was a burnt out guy, burnt out executive, went through some coaching myself. The coaching was so transformational that I was like, this is where I need to be. I went through certifications and books and seminars and everything, you name it. And now this is what I do for a living.
Epic startup background
Well, probably my main claim to fame was way back in 2008, I was an early Groupon guy. And actually before that was Vitamin Water. If you folks drink Vitamin Water, Smart Water, all that stuff. I was early there before Coca-Cola bought us
I actually helped create the mentoring program at Groupon where we had the more seasoned senior reps help the younger, newer reps, to kind of just get them in the flow of the Groupon world.
The walls we hit
I had been to a therapist before in the past. It wasn’t as impactful as I wanted it to be. I grew up without a lot of money, with a single mom. The story I had told myself for so many years, literally decades, two decades, was that when I get some money, then I’ll be happy. I was fortunate to get some financial stability at a younger age, again, 29 years old. And I found myself empty, because I had told myself the story of how I’m going to be so happy when I have X amount of, I have a hundred thousand dollars and all these things. Then I got these things, and I just kept increasing the dollar amount and the promotion, the title. I just was left unfulfilled.
And that’s when I was introduced to my coach. And that just completely changed my world.
I felt like I checked all the boxes. As a child, I was fed, programmed, here’s what you do to be happy, here’s what you do to be successful. Which, by the way, I don’t even know what that means. No standard, no success. Then all of a sudden it’s like, well, I did all this. What am I missing here? What’s wrong? What’s wrong with me?
And again, the therapist I’d been to just was unimpactful. I wanted more. I wanted a game plan, I wanted action, and I got it through my coach. And then, I was so radically transformed by his programming and what we worked on. I paid to be his apprentice. He’s actually now the co-founder of a coaching program or a coaching platform called Heroic.
The universe conspired to help me exactly when I needed it.
Deprogramming money problems
I like to go back to the definitions or the stories or beliefs that they inherited as children. We were force fed as children. Whatever setting or environment, whether it was your parents or your grandparents or whoever, you as a kid were a combination of your environment and the people around you. And so if you, as an adult now, if you’re not able to, or if you haven’t gone out there to seek the mental upgrading, the mental software that you have, you’re running this old outdated programming on what you received from when you were a kid. So it starts with, again, what are the stories and definitions of the least that you’re telling yourself,
A lot of guys, well, they’re living their life today as an adult man with the inherited beliefs they received as a child.
For example, investing in yourself: I was never taught to invest in yourself. Many of the guys I work with and gals I work with, they were not taught to invest in themselves. So when you were in second grade, third grade, whatever, you were probably taught something about money. And that if you’re fortunate enough to have money, this is what you do with it. You put it in the market, you put it in real estate. I was never taught to invest in myself. And really, when you invest in yourself, that is the greatest ROI on earth, there’s no other ROI on the planet that gives you a stronger result than investing in yourself. Whether that be mental coaching, whether that be going to the gym and getting fit physically.
There’s a lot of different way to better yourself.
I was just never taught it.
And so it’s almost like again, rewiring that programming, a money mindset transformation, because when I was approached by my first coach, I was like, there’s no way I’m going to pay this money. I need to put it in the stock market and keep my fingers crossed and let someone else hopefully make that money go or grow somewhere, grow bigger. It’s like, no, I want to take that money and pour it into myself.
Going back to this idea of the guys who have some money, I firmly believe, especially for the guys and gals who grew up poor or didn’t have a lot of money, they think oftentimes that they can make enough money or generate enough money to essentially buy out that inner child, that scared version of themselves that’s inside of them that I’m going to make $10 million, 20, whatever it is, that version of me is going to go away or be quiet. And that’s never going to happen. There’s no amount of money in the world that’s going to buy out the wounded inner child. You have to invite him or her to the conversation.
Helping the inner child find their voice
From the very first thing I’m thinking about and I feel in my heart is that it’s like this cycle. They tell themselves a story of like, well, I’m going to get X, I’m going to make X or do X or whatever. It’s something extrinsic.
There’s something that’s going to happen that I’m going to reach.
And then once I reach that thing, things are going to be great. That’s what I’ve seen. And I don’t know if I’m answering your question wholly, but this is just what felt right. It’s a cycle. It’s like, I’m going to get this next thing or get this next promotion or bonus, and then, okay, and it’s just a continuous, repetitive cycle that never ends, never enough. You get that thing. It’s like, well, now I want that next thing.
I don’t know if this is a technical scientific term, but it’s like, I call it the cookie jar analogy. It’s oftentimes more self pleasing. It feels better to humans to think about eating the cookie than the actual cookie consumption itself. And I think it’s the same thing with maybe making money. We think it’s going to, oh, this is going to be so great. I’m going to get this money, I’m going to get this promotion. And then we get it and it’s like we feel let down, we’re like unfulfilled. And again, we told ourselves a story about how great things would be when we get it and then we get it and we’re let down.
Stopping the cycle with an upgrade
It’s by first accepting. Self-improvement starts with self-acceptance.
So, a lot of these guys don’t even want to accept the fact that this is part of them. It is almost like you’ve got to chip away. We’re chipping away every time I talk with them, every time I do homework, whatever, we’re chipping away at this so that they can actually accept where they are now, before wanting to move forward. We can’t skip that.
Step one, a lot of people go from step zero to step two, which is, let’s get better. I want to get better. I want to improve. There’s nothing wrong with that. But we also want to honor what is, we want to honor and accept where we are right now without judgment or without negativity, because especially as adults, it’s so easy to beat ourselves up and just berate ourselves when really we need to parent ourselves as we would our own child. Or if you’re not a child person, if you have a pet, you need to show up for the love that you would give to them. Give it to yourself.
And you’re totally okay with where you are now, you don’t need anything. If something comes our way, it’s like, oh, this is great. I love it. But you’re not like, oh, I need this money. I need this promotion. I need this or that. And this is actually a scientific term. It’s called destination addiction, where people are constantly thinking happiness is in the future. It’s elsewhere.
Wherever I am right now, it’s not happiness. I’m going to get happiness somewhere else. And that’s a term called, again, destination addiction, where you’re just never there. You’re never there.
Helping clients be grateful in hard places
We use what I call sacred bitching; I say to the client, you need to give me five minutes of your bitching. Essentially, it’s not your deepest truth. It’s not your core values. This is just how I’m feeling, and I’m going to displace it. I’m going to get it out of my system.
Much like if you drink a ton of water, you got to go to the bathroom. You have to get out of your system, let them talk, let them get it out of their system, whether it’s speaking, whether it’s journaling, whether it’s whatever. You have to let it go somewhere. And a lot of men especially, they just keep it inside them because they don’t want to be perceived as weak. It corrodes, it compounds, and then they’re walking around with these, it’s like a bag of invisible kettlebells.
It’s weighing them down.
Getting results
Some of these people I work with don’t believe what’s happening, they literally don’t believe what’s happening based upon the work that they’ve done on themselves. They can’t fathom.
Well, one of my clients just got her dream job. I helped her get a dream job. She was unemployed, she was not happy. She kind of came up with these cool, unique ideas to help find a career, a position that feels right for her. And she’s just baffled. She just started last week or two weeks ago. But it’s just like how it’s mind blowing. It’s almost like tasting the color blue. I use that analogy a lot. It’s like, what does the color blue taste like? How do you describe that?
Reaching goals is easier after finding satisfaction in the present
I like to think of goals as a means to systems, because for me personally and how I coach a goal is great to have. I want to lose 10 pounds, right? That’s awesome. But when you hit that goal of losing 10 pounds, then what?
If you put a system in place that says, look, I’m going to spend 30 minutes four days a week working out, and that’s that without a hard goal. Again, nothing wrong with having the hard goal, but if you just put in a system and run the system via algorithms, running, do the stuff, whether you feel like it or not, the systems is what’s going to get you to where you want to go. The system is what’s going to continue to fuel you.
Many times human beings allow their feelings to be in the driver’s seat, and oftentimes it doesn’t serve our highest purpose. I don’t feel like going to the gym, or I don’t feel like doing the dishes, or I don’t feel like all these things. It doesn’t really matter what you feel. It has to get done. The dishes, the dirty dishes are in the sink regardless of how you feel. So you could either complain about ’em and expend energy, or you could just say, Hey, there are dishes in the sink. I got to do ’em.
The reality doesn’t care about how you feel in that situation.
It’s not about the goal, it’s about the journey, the personal development. Making meaning with your life. And the goal becomes arbitrary because you just elevate. And then, yeah, the goal doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s just about you.
Money mindset transformation
Again, I will go back to the idea of honoring, go back to your inner child, go back in time. I like journaling.
Write: what are the things that I may have inherited that aren’t serving my highest purpose? And I’ll give you an example.If you grew up in the deep south, let’s just say, and you’re racist, really racist, right? Your family’s racist, your friends are racist. Everyone’s racist. Odds are you probably would be a racist, not because by choice, but that’s just your environment.
And so it’s your responsibility to go out there and again, seek the other. What is some other alternative information that I may not have inherited as a kid? So again, it’s not your fault as a kid, but as an adult, it is your responsibility.
Too many people won’t do it. They won’t upgrade their mental software.
They’re running their mindset on this Windows 95 CD realm. It’s like, you got to go out there. No one’s going to do it for you. This isn’t school. You have to go out there and seek it.
It’s important to also say we don’t control every single thing that happens in our life. I do believe we manifest our reality. And I also think that the world is unfair, and we can’t control every single person. We can just control how we respond. And that’s harder for some people than others. But it is so easy to say, my situation is this way because of this. Instead of saying, with everything, I have the opportunity to make a change. Even if that change takes, some will take longer than others. We’re changing our whole reality. You’re not going to be able to go from homeless to buying a house in one day except for a miracle.”
How to reach Jason
Easiest way is on LinkedIn – you can find me here.
When it comes to my work, I do group workshops. Most of my work is six month programs. So I do one-on-one coaching on average, 6 to 12 months. But again, I’m here to support the community. The people who are like, man, I really want and need this. I want to get better. There’s nothing wrong with these people. There’s nothing that needs fixing. It’s all about, hey, I want to get better. I want to get better for myself and for my family, and so on.
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